I never set out to become an expert on anxiety. To be honest, I'd love to be sought out for other more noble things, yet, anxiety has become a big part of my story as a leader and as a human. It has shaped the man I am today mostly due to what I've lost because of it. It's been a "hate, sometimes appreciate" relationship for sure.
And regardless of what I want to be true, the reality is I've dealt with significant anxiety for most of my life, however it became prominent about 10 years ago. I handled it so poorly that I began spiralling and ended up hitting rock bottom, alone and broken.
I then went through intensive therapy, read every book I could get my hands on, talked with anyone who would talk with me and engaged my strategic mindset into reverse engineering how I got to where I am today: healthy. Actually I'd say I'm the healthiest I've ever been, emotionally, relationally, spiritually and even physically. You could say I'm on the other side of it, but even that will play out in one of the 5 truths no one likes to hear. Let's get after it.
Anxiety never disappears entirely - Many people wish anxiety would just leave, in fact I have people all the time ask me, "how did you get rid of it?" And they are sadden to hear, "I didn't". Anxiety is something you can manage but not remove. It requires consistent work and a respect for the fact that it can subtly attack you and before you know it, it's all up in your business. That being said, you CAN learn revolutionary management strategies; you CAN significantly decrease it's frequency and power; and you CAN actually leverage it to work for you.
Anxiety isn't the problem but it points to what is - anxiety is simply fear that is dysfunctioning, meaning it's telling your brain that your life is in danger when it isn't. In the online course I developed I give our students tools and strategies to not only figure out what is going on, but then use the information it provides to show them what needs to be addressed and what specific things need to be "rewired". Anxiety can actually be a great source of information that you can act on, but if you try to fix the anxiety without actually fixing what it's pointing to you'll only increase it.
Anxiety never lives in the present - since we feel anxiety in the here and now we think we are anxious about the present situation but it's not true. Anxiety lives primarily in the future and sometimes in the past. One of the big questions that anxiety asks is "what if?" Think about that question for a second. It's a future question. The anxiety you feel is in the present, but it's power is all in what could happen and how bad it will be for you if it does. Sometimes anxiety is about something in the past and your brain in efforts of protecting you from harm will develop faulty convictions which say something like, "I will never ________ again because last time I was so hurt by it." And the fear of that hurt will fuel anxiety for years!
Anxiety thrives in the secret - when I realized I was dealing with anxiety, I hid it from everyone. The thoughts and fears that were pulsating through my brain were shameful, I felt like a crazy person and I was sure if anyone knew what I was thinking they'd agree with me. I was a significant leader with many people looking to me for advice, guidance and direction. I am a person of faith, and if I was dealing with anxiety, I must not be trusting in God. So I hid it for a long time not realizing that the more secretive it became, the more powerful it grew to where I was in the fetal position in my bed scared of a "what if". It wasn't until I started sharing it with a few select people and professionals where the power began to lessen.
Where there is anxiety, there is fear - I mentioned earlier that anxiety is "fear that is dsyfunctioning" so now when I start helping someone with their anxiety it's one of the first questions I ask, "what are you fearing right now?" I know must of us think of fear as something that kids deal with when they go to a horror movie, but fear is an internal survival tendency. The better we can pinpoint our specific fears, the better we can begin to work with them.
Are you interested in learning more or actually making progress in this area in your life? I estimate that more than half of all leaders are dealing with some sort of anxiety and everyone could do some work to get healthier emotionally and relationally. I have two tools for you. One is completely free, and one is underpriced and a huge value! The first is "Do It Anyway: a workbook to overcoming the fears that destroy confidence and derail success" -it's completely FREE here:
The second tool is an online course (with an add-on coaching option) called "Rise Ready" with 12 modules and a bunch of bonus stuff that will prepare you for whatever comes your way including anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, stress, relational tension, insecurity and much more. It includes an in-depth fear assessment to help you pinpoint the fear that you're most vulnerable to and all the tools I give my one-on-one coaching clients. It's a steal at it's present price point (I know because I would have paid anything to get help when I was in the thick of this!) Want to know more? Click here:
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